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Is Your Lover Unfaithful? - Be Your Own Detective

Cheating MatesCheating Lovers and Spouses
Suspicions of Infidelity or Extramarital Affair

Is something going on? Is my lover really telling the truth? Am I still the only one? The ramifications of a cheating spouse are far-reaching and almost always effect the lives of significant others, like off-spring, families, and relatives. If your personal interests are involved, if your children are involved, if your health and well-being and your money are involved, you have the right to know what, if anything, is going on.

Become a Private Investigator with our  Private Investigator Home Training course.  Secrets of Top Private Eyes. Read More>

Suspicions of a Cheating Spouse

Important: If you suspect your mate may be cheating, or may be having an affair, be careful. Before you do anything, legally or even personally, you must know for sure, and the only way you can know for sure, without putting yourself and your relationship in serious jeopardy, is to get the facts. Gather solid evidence before proceeding with any course of action. You may have already considered the crucial issues that are involved in a change in your relationship. To be certain, ask yourself:

Are my suspicions well-founded?

What physical and/or eyewitness evidence do I have?

Is my evidence factual and documented?

Why do I want to know?

If one or more of these statements may apply to you. You might initiate an investigation.

To gather evidence of cheating in preparation for divorce and/or child custody legal action.

To know for sure and to put an end to uncertainty.

To get the facts out in the open so we can began to work things out and heal our relationship.

To alleviate the possibility of contracting ly transmitted diseases. To put an end to the rumors and the gossip.

To confront and punish. I want revenge.

Watch for changes - Having an Extramarital Affair

After you've lived with someone for a long time, you really get to know that person very well. When things change - when subtle little changes take place - you will sense those changes. You may not be aware of them at first, but your subconscious is trying to tell you something. You get to thinking about it and suddenly you know what has been amiss.

Example: Is he coming home late at night. making private phone calls and hang up the phone real quick when you walk in the room. Does he make excuses to go to the store and be gone for an hour and a half. Things like that. A woman has an intuition; she just knows.
Habits: Stays up late, watches TV constantly, avoids you.

Behavior: Has unusual interest in new hobbies or interests; is evasive, short tempered, distant or overly attentive.

Schedules: Works extra hours, stays out late, makes more business trips, is immersed in extracurricular activities.

Appearance: New hair styles, new clothing; working out.

Note: Many times cheating spouses are caught because they want to get caught.

Getting Started - Who Knows About Your Lover's Infidelity

Talk to people. Verify information.

Friends: Was he or she really with a friend? Ask around.

Associates: Was your mate really working all that overtime?

Family: Did the suspected cheater actually go to visit family members?

Conduct a Search for Signs of Unfaithfulness

Go through everything with an eye for anything unusual or out of place.

  • Clothing: Check for lipstick, unusual perfume or after shave
  • Papers: Appointment books, car, desk, purse, briefcase
  • Receipts: Matchbooks, meal receipts, etc

Telephone Recording Devices - How to Catch a Cheating Spouse

Providing you will not be breaking the law, you could listen in on an extension or record the conversation. Or, you might purchase a telephone recording device. Plug the device into the phone jack and the phone cord into the device. The telephone recording device will automatically record all incoming and outgoing calls without detection. Be careful; the use of a recording device could backfire! Important: Know your state's laws regarding the use of telephone recording. See Surveillance, & Spy tools. Be suspicious of mysterious hang-ups and wrong numbers. Call the phone company to request documentation of long distance calls. The use of a pretext may be required to accomplish this, especially if the phone is not listed in your name. See Interviewing Techniques

Look up suspect numbers in cris-cross or city directories at your local library. These directories sometimes reveal unlisted or non-published numbers.
See, Local Information Sources and County Records. To conduct a phone number search: contact a database operator. Submit a Background Check Search

Tracing Phone Calls You may also consider ordering "Caller ID" and/or "Call Return" features from your telephone company. These options could prove invaluable when tracing a phone number.

The odds are the cheating spouse is calling the lover from your home phone. First thing, request an itemized bill. Eliminate all the familiar numbers. Pin down the remaining numbers through a cris-cross directory. You'll have the suspect's name, address, and possibly even his or her occupation. Get speed dialing and conference calling services on your phone. Program your mate's work number and the suspect's number into your phone's speed dialing memory.

Speed dial one number. Switch over to the other line and speed dial the other number. Patch the two together using the conference call feature. You can listen in, or if you choose, record the call. Before you attempt this, check your state's privacy laws.

Checking Accounts - Evidence in an Illicit Love Affair

Scrutinize canceled checks. Can you account for all expenditures? Check out any suspicious purchase. Some merchants, especially those who operate smaller, local shops, keep records of purchases and may provide you with information. People do like to help. Ask.

Credit Cards - Good Way to Catch Cheating Spouses

Examine both business and personal credit card expenditures. Call card companies to inquire about any questionable charges. Note the location where gas was purchased. Note the date.

Request a credit report. Purchases may have been financed. Other credit cards you don't know about may have been issued. You can find out: Call the company that issued cards you know about. After you've established your identification with the rep, ask for all account numbers in the subject's name.

Surveillance - Get the Evidence on Cheating Spouses

Surveillance may be called for to confirm your suspicions or to verify information. A variety of inexpensive, simple-to-operate spy tools are available for use by private citizens, and are listed in the Surveillance section.

You can sit in your car and wait forever for something to happen. To follow a lover, borrow a friend's car, because I he will recognize your car. It helps to were a disguise so you are not easily recognized.

Once suspicions have been confirmed, it is probably not a good idea to sleep with a cheating mate. You may diminish the legal value of your case. Legal representatives for the opposition may attempt to prove that after you had gained knowledge of an affair, you forgave your spouse by going to bed with him or her. Far more important, you may put your health at risk.

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